My family and I went to watch The Karate Kid today.

Before going to the movie theatre, though, I talked to Paul.
He gave me this “quote to contemplate”:
Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in that grey twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.
I have a feeling it’ll end up being my half-page quote or something.
I want to risk it on Monday and just talk to him alone one last time.

Anyway, the movie

First off, I was super impressed because it was produced by Will Smith and his wife–so it was basically a family effort. Especially because my mom’s been reading college books, the collaboration reminded me of how there are parents out there who actually work with their kids. They’re not super super protective–I’m sure Jaden had to get hurt at least a little in the process of filming all those beating-up-scenes. But at least they could be there to watch and make sure he’s safe. They saw an opportunity to let Jaden experience China, experience acting, experience stuff most people never get to experience–in a real life way. Not by sending him to a prep school or camp, or taking him on a vacation, but by putting him out there. I laud Will Smith for keeping that integrity and being a great dad.

The movie was great. I liked that it was really in China, with real Chinese in it. Even the credits in the end showed the names in Chinese–which probably means it’s being shown in China too. I don’t know if I like or dislike how they portrayed China–the scenic mountains and monks and temples and tourist sites like The Forbidden City were dichotomous to the modern cell phones and the way the girl knew how to dance promiscuously to Pokerface. The kung fu was on par with Jackie Chan’s usually stuff–only more impressive because they were kids. The plot was real enough, and went at a good pace. The crying scenes weren’t tacky–I was impressed Jaden could cry already. (Also, that he has a six pack.)  Of course, it also has that moral in the middle and at the end about never giving up. I really liked it.

When we left the movie theater, I kept raving about how amazing Jaden must be. My dad got annoyed at me and ended up yelling at me–saying I was naive and stuff. Semi-defensively (but, compared to how I used to be, I wasn’t talking back at all. I was pretty polite) I just said that he still must have went through a lot and learned a lot from the experience. My dad still said something about me being dumb–made me speechless and on the verge of tears. We went to Burger King because my brother was hungry–and because I was silent and had that sad face on, I guess I annoyed my dad and he made us go home. My mom apologized to me on the car, but I told her to apologize to my brother since he’s the one who didn’t get to eat.

This isn’t the first time. My dad can always make me feel like crying. All he has to do is use this certain tone of voice and whatever he says hurts so much. This afternoon I was asking him..I guess about morals? (I had no Chinese school, and since you were at Chinese school and I ended up not going to Brooklyn and being a stalker. Instead, I looked at fb prom pictures, which is still pretty stalker) So because I saw a picture of DNgai drinking alcohol straight from the bottle, I was kinda annoyed and asked why underage drinking is bad.

Background: It’s weird that most non-Christians think that the Bible says it’s bad to drink. And then at church during Bible Study yesterday, we talked about how the Bible doesn’t say that–and in fact in moderation, it’s fine. Yet, I’m still ridiculously prudent. (In fact, it hurt when you told Jeff that you only go to CYF when there’s no Bible Study). It’s actually going to ruin me. I wasn’t kidding when I said I’m bad at being human (socializing) because I really am. It’s the reason I didn’t go to Semi. It’s the reason I quit debate. It’s the reason I’m not getting into college.

So yea. When I asked my dad, he said the same thing about how it’s not bad. And I guess I was expecting him to take a prudish stance, since he’s a parent and all. But not only didn’t he, he also started saying that I have perverted reasoning (not perverted like dirty jokes…perverted like skewed) and I’m dumb and God gave everyone a brain so we could think, if you don’t have one you’re retarded–but even retarded people have their morals too. And yea, I wanted to cry.

I’m so deficient as a person. I honestly can’t tell if I’m doing the right thing. Like, when I’m procrastinating, I know I’m doing the wrong thing. but when I turned myself into a nerd, was that a bad thing?

And I guess it was predestined and I’m genetically/fatally wired to be like this–but it’s so freakin’ sad.

(Oh. I bet I’m also just jealous that Diana Li x Daniel Ngai)

Also, can you figure out how to make this thing private?