I’m gonna pretend I have the guts and open-heartedness (Wow. I Do Not Know English. I really don’t know what word I mean to use) to do this. In reality, I just want to get this down. In theory, I need you to do this too. However, in honesty, it may hurt for me to read yours.

friends.

Sisi: There are pros and cons to being friends with someone like you. At first I was going to write “someone who is so similar to me” because we’re twinnies. We’re both Asian girls with Asian parents, Asian study habits and Asian grades and Asian just seeping through our blood. On the surface, we’re more similar than Cornea/Yi. More than me/Vicki, I think. You’re the person I think of first. You’re definitely the person I text most. You’re the person I talk about most. We’re married on facebook. We have more shared memories than I actually remember. We’re gonna grow old together and get together with our kids and have tea parties (HA). Yea, you’ll be the first to know when my cherry is popped.
But we are so not as close as I think we should be. Obviously part of it is the fact that we’re never together in person anymore. I just…don’t like going to the library so much? We don’t share classes in which we can bond. You live on the edge of Brooklyn and I live on the edge of Queens. I love long emails, but obviously only if I get a long email in return. It takes so much time and effort to write a long email, especially since I get distracted so easily nowadays. But you can’t get true feelings out through texts. This would probably bode better in person, but I’m too much of a wuss to talk to you about this in person. Thank God for internet.
But yea, we’re also just not that similar and that’s definitely not a bad thing. You like legit Asian things and I only like Taiwanese stuff. You’re a loyal friend and I just like getting to meet random people.  You know what you want to do in life, I don’t. There’s a lot more but I don’t know if they really matter 🙂

Wait. So what is a friend? I’m so intrigued by how we’re friends when I really, really, really don’t deserve your friendship. So I went back to find the quotes I copied from that book What is a Friend and i’m just gonna copy the quotes and comment on them.

What is a friend?

What is a friend? I’ll tell you. It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can go naked with him. He seems to ask you to put on nothing, only to be what you really are.
You are the person I dare to rant and complain to even if I sound like Kenton. I can’t be myself with Vivien. People still think she’s my best friend, but she doesn’t actually know the real me like you do. When people ask, I still say you’re my best friend. Shrug. You’re the only person I can see still being my friend in college and after college. There’s also the whole thing about how I’m friends with Cornea and you’re friends with Suzanne and Cornea and Yi are BFFs and you and Suzanne are BFFs. But I’m the only one loser-ish enough to have to put labels on all these friendships when it doesn’t matter as long as we’re good friends with each other. I don’t know if I know the real you though? We’re still somewhat afraid to be 100% honest with each other? You’re afraid to hurt me =\ which is like a double edged sword because I obviously don’t want to be hurt, but I want you to be genuine with me. If I don’t seem to ask you to put on nothing, “Please be what you really are” :)<3 BE NAKED WITH ME. Or just let your soul be naked with me
When you are with him, you do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think, so long as it is genuinely you.
I can LKJAGBAKJGBLAKGJB to you, and I love you for that. I can cry to you, I think. Though I can’t remember the last time I have. I can tell you when I’m not okay with You/Mike. But I can still be okay with it and happy for you. Maybe that should be our New Year’s Resolution, though? Say more of what we think with each other, genuinely. Without gossiping, though—which I tend to do ><
(Interjection: but I can see you applying these quotes to Mike right now =p)

He understands those contradictions in your nature that cause others to misjudge you. With him you breathe freely – you can avow your little vanities and envies and absurdities, and in opening them up to him they are dissolved on the white ocean of his loyalty.
I honestly do not think my vanities and envies and absurdities are dissolved in your loyalty, but you honestly are the most loyal friend I have. There are so many contradictions in my nature: I want to be smart, I want to be a good Christian, and yet I’m watching myself become such a shallow person. You know that I envy you and envy lots of things, you know I’m being vain by always focusing on myself and how I feel when there are other things to worry about, you know I’m absurd for thinking way too much. And still you want to be my friend? What is this?! I don’t think anyone really misjudges you because you’re so nice to everyone—but I guess no one else really knows how much you procrastinate, or how you have random dreams, or how you feel about your parents. So I’m glad I have the privilege of being your friend and knowing you for who you are and not just the girl with the good grades and good handwriting.
He understands. – You can weep with him, laugh with him, pray with him – through and underneath it all he sees, knows and loves you.
🙂 speaks for itself.
1971

The true test of friendship is to be able to sit or walk with a friend for an hour in perfect silence without wearying of one another’s company. -Dinah Maria Mulock Craik

Make new friends, but keep the old;
Those are silver, these are gold. -Joseph Parry

Be slow to fall into friendship; but when thou art in, continue firm and constant. -Socrates

We learn our virtues from the friends who love us; our faults from the enemy who hates us. We cannot easily discover our real character from a friend. He is a mirror, on which the warmth of our breath impedes the clearness of the reflection. -Johann Paul Friedrich Richter

We must love our friends for their sakes rather than for our own; we must look at their truth to themselves full as much as their truth to us. -Charlotte Bronte

A day for toil, an hour for sport,
But for a friend is life too short.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Who will walk a mile with me
Along life’s weary way?
A friend who’s heart has eyes to see…
-Henry Van Dyke
can we walk for hours in manahattan too? I’m jealous that mike gets to do that with you.

-Cornea: actually, i don’t talk with her that much. just when we’re in the hallway and then she tells me gossip from marissa and i listen. or we talk about herzog

-Yi: Yi and I try to talk with each other but fail miserably. I know she’s easy to talk with, so it’s probably all my fault. Like, I somehow find nothing to talk with her about. But after what happened i REALLY want to be better friends?

-Suzanne: is cute, but overworked and I never really want to bother her

Kaiying: also always busy it seems =\ She’s fun but I’m really only friends with her in school

Connor: only really friends online

Herzog: “i miss you and our physics bonding sessions”–>he needs to stop flirting

Kayla: wow, i love that girl for letting me go to her house to ask her dad econ questions

church.

-friends: nonexistent. they’re nice to me and whatever, but I don’t really hang out with them and I’m not close with anyone besides Lewis

-I REALLY REALLY REALLY WANT TO LEAVE CHURCH T_T

-I’m so not close with God right now and i don’t know how staying at church would help that. I’d need to help myself but I can’t bring myself to.

school.

-doing well in physics even though i’m not learning anything what with herzog right next to me
-doing okay in calc but i need to study lots
-gonna fail econ. never done so badly in a class and still not know what to do to fix it.
-like i’ve been saying, i should probably try more in psych but i honestly cannot bring myself to.

-CYF. i have no idea. I love that more people came this year, and I hope Jesus Day is good–but I honestly don’t know what else I can do to make it better. I would put more effort into it if I knew how to be more fun. I’m really not a good club leader. I love yi for coming, and I love that both of you came last year and last last year. I don’t even know why but thank you<3

-imma join robotics.
-i wanna join hebrew learning club but it’s on mondays, when CYF leaders meetings are =\

boys.

-haha. this section DNE for me.

life.

-i’m also having a recurring fatlyfe crisis. I gained a pound a day over break and NEED TO LOSE IT.
-can you please help me go to semi? i sound so desperate, but i’m serious
-you’ve been doing so many cool things this year and so have i but can we do them TOGETHER
-damn. i’ve decided to sleep instead of do econ. i’m so freakin screwed

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