WATCH THE VIDEO, IT REFLECTS THIS POST MORE-OR-LESS PERFECTLY

We’re in our third decade of life now and there’s still so much to do. It’s exciting that we’re rising seniors in college now; it’s crazy how we started this blog when we were rising seniors in high school and it’s interesting how much WordPress, the internet, and the world around us have all changed.

There’s a LOT I regret not doing, and even though I know it won’t help me to dwell on the past, I want to delineate as much as I can think of (as specifically as possible)…and try to say something I’m grateful for each time I 抱怨 about opportunities I missed because I was too lazy:

Disclaimer: this is gonna be a very confusing and messy entry.

  • I think I may regret not choosing McGill. To a lesser extent, I regret not choosing Dartmouth (but I really don’t think I would have fit in their drinking culture). I don’t know if you knew, but I had planned to transfer to Penn and don’t quite remember why I didn’t go through with the application in the end (but I suspect laziness). Maybe in retrospect I regret not applying to Cornell, teehee.
    • I’m grateful I stayed in NYC and went to Barnard. I saved room and board fees, like I wanted. I had access to Barnard’s counseling center, for which I’m grateful. I had access to the city! Barnard’s Buy Sell Trade page has pretty nice stuff and I bought my kneehigh boots from a girl for $10 (but left them in Denmark). Dormstorming Barnard at the end of the semester is also super great (that’s how I got my Skagen watch) I never won lottery tickets to watch a bball game or free Bway show, but I’ve gotten to watch a Broadway show, opera, dance performance, Starfield concert, hiphop performance (RUCKUS), a capella performances (Alex in Jubilation!) and many more things I’m forgetting. Praise God for new experiences. It’s not fair for me to take these past experiences for granted.
      • Lesson: research grad schools more. Pray more about my choice.
  • I wish I kept in touch with my freshman adviser, Dean Kuan Tsu. I’m sad my Intro Econ Professor (Noha Emara; a quick Google search tells me she’s at Rutgers now) left and I didn’t get to know her better. I’m disappointed in myself for hating on my freshman writing professor with the rest of my class, but it seems like there’s no point crying over spilled milk since he left too. I don’t even remember my Calc professor at this point. Nor my Chinese professor. Lalala–checking my transcript so I can remind myself of my past professors and classes to create this list:
    • Teachers I liked: Dean Kuan Tsu, Steinsson (Macro), Macro TA, Nick (Philosophy TA), LALITH (I’M SO MAD/SAD HE 抛弃ed 我 to go on sabbatical. SO mad), Marcellus (Econ. Justice; left me and never replied to my emails. wah D:), Weiman (Political Econ) , ELLSBERG (Bible teacher), Homa (Econometrics)
      • nooooooo way you could make me take those classes again, but I do wish I connected with these professors. which brings us to: I’m glad I’m generally a polite 小孩, but I wish I weren’t just polite and people actually had a reason to keep in touch with me.
        • Like, this summer I’m glad I met Prof. Levmore and Prof. Chang but I still have no idea how the freak to keep in touch with them. welp QQ
    • Good teachers I don’t really regret if I don’t talk with them again: Morrison (philosophy), Stokes (Intro Psych), Prof Dye (Econ History-but did you know his daughter goes to Hunter? and he was reallyyyy nice when I was failing my paper), all my math teachers (nice try, kudos for the effort), Dean Runsdorf
    • Classes I wish I took: Econ of Law, Philosophy of Law, some Gender Studies class, some Gym or Art class I couldn’t take elsewhere…East Asian Studies class? Maybe Ellsberg’s Cowboy class or Stiglitz’s Poverty class…maybe a Comp Sci class or Poli Sci class
      • agh. I had planned on applying to the Tow Foundation for some research fellowship, but I think that fell through when I was abroad. I was also dreaming about being a Rhodes or Truman or whatever prestigious Fellow, but I’m really not qualified.
        • If I really wanted scholarships, I need to 争取 them. Otherwise, I don’t deserve to complain.
  • Do I regret not making more friends in college? Dunno. There’s probably a psychological reason I only care about the people I got to know a little, and don’t care about the cool people I never got to know at all.
    • The Four Chinese Princesses became two Chinese roommates (Nancy and Luna) I never got to know well enough but am glad to know at all. My freshman small group leaders, Hannah and Mary, are also people I’m glad to say I know (I barely remember the other people in my small group though). Shoutout to Sarah Ngu (who let me sleep on her floor after fellowship in freshman year), Serena Ng (学姐), Josh Itwaru (funny drummer guy who let me into JJ), and, of course, Karen and everyone in the Bible House. I don’t know what makes me remember and appreciate some people and not others, because I seem to be a bad predictor/judge of character now that I realize I never made many friends (when, at the time I introduced myself to a bunch of strangers, I may have thought I was doing a smart thing and making a good decision. but look at me now. look at how I don’t remember their names)
    • I’m glad I chose to work for IMATS, as messed up of a department as it is. Kinda wish I got to know nice people like Val and Ashleen better. And Mel. It gave me the opportunity to go to so many events and get paid to do so. It taught me about audiovisual technology, albeit only a little. Harvey was a great boss. Josh was a great teacher. Roko was nice for teaching me about the Atari Punk Console. Jason and Stan are great too. Don’t wanna forget Abby, Miriam (and her adorable babies), Alexis, or Emily either.
      • Good decision was good. The telephone job was a good decision, I just couldn’t maintain it. I also couldn’t pass the bartending test and that was my own shortcoming. And babysitting…is probably a pipedream, but I guess I can think about it. Maybe I’ll walk around campus some more and think about where else I may want to explore/work. Thank God for the lovely ladies at Liz’s. And the security people who kept me safe when I pulled those few allnighters. I have beef with Nacelink though D:
  • I’m grateful my parents paid for my college education, I’m just annoyed I don’t feel like I made the most of it
    • Did you know I wanted to work at Zerve, and interviewed for it, but they rejected me? And that I had been on a community service team called CILP but didn’t do much work for it besides going into the city every Sunday? I wanted to debate in college and went to some school further north on the red line for one meeting…but didn’t think the team was worth the commute. Maybe you knew about my latest internship with Lara and BWD. so undeserving. Internship at AB was…sigh. Nice people, but failed, embarrassing opportunity. Let’s not talk about it again. I worked at day camp last summer and got my driver’s license. That’s good. Ok. No big regrets here. Just some disappointments.
  • I said this already, but it warrants its own bullet point: I wish I had joined college debate. I thought about it freshman year, but I really didn’t have the time while I commuted.
    • wish I kept up with dragonboating, practiced swimming (esp before they closed the Barnard Pool), worked out more, took yoga or something (I took weight training), I guess I had no time for cool stuff like fencing or rock climbing but I wished I could still hike…yea.  I wanted to cook everyday, too, at some point. Main idea: how come I don’t have hobbies?
    • I had wanted to take the actuary test. And Bloomberg BAT. Still wanna take the GRE and LSAT. So many tests T_T
    • I want to file my taxes to be grown up
    • At some point I wanted to prove myself by taking a service job, but in line with the nixing of bartending and babysitting, I guess that’s a bad idea no matter how profitable it’s not worth the mental and other noneconomic costs
    • I wish I had mentors in Cindy or Homy or Lara or Cindy
  • I’m glad I went abroad and came to Taiwan. I can’t deny that the weather and lack of pressing deadlines help with my mood regulation a lot. I’m so scared of getting bad again. But No Fear. God is near.
    • Michelle isn’t in med school yet. So I have a sister in her. And I need to stay good for my little sisters in church. And I will always have you.
    • I hope I cherish my family more. Take care of grandma better. Talk to my aunts and uncles more. Try my best to re-connect with my cousins. Learn to cook from Annie 姐姐! Celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas together! It’s my resolution every time, but I always have a LOT to improve.
  • Do I wish I had a boyfriend? Yes and no. I think I’ve lost the ability to be friends with guys, so I might need to re-learn that first. Am I opposed to online dating? I think I used to be. I don’t know anymore. But yea, mostly I think I’d like a significant other/best friend.
  • I’m glad I studied abroad. Now I want to play more. Go to Niagara Falls, Ithaca, Canada, California, rest of Asia…Eat more food, skydive or bungee jump, take a road trip…

tl;dr: I wish I knew how to maintain relationships, propel myself forward academically/career-wise, and find a hobby.

好. I tried to write every single one of my regrets so I could recognize what I value and keep them in mind for the future. If there’s anything else, I wanna add it here and then never speak of it or complain of it again illegitimately.

Cheers, to the future

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